"Woman driver."    Really means....      "Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, or shake their fist at others."

    "It's a guy thing."   Really means....     "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

    "Can I help with dinner?"    Really means....   "Why isn't it already on the table?"

   "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."    Really mean....      Absolutely nothing.  It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.

    "Good idea."   Really means....    "It'll never work.  And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."   

"Have you lost weight?"    Really means....      "I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."

    "It would take too long to explain."    Really means....      "I have no idea how it works."

    "I'm getting more exercise lately."    Really means....      "The batteries in the remote are dead."

    "I got a lot done."    Really means....      "I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."

    "We're going to be late."    Really means....      "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

    "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."    Really means....      "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

    "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."    Really means....      "I forgot our anniversary again."

    "You expect too much of me."    Really means....      "You want me to stay awake."

    "It's a really good movie."    Really means....      "It's got guns, knives, and fast cars."

    "Go ask your mother."    Really means....      "I am incapable of making a decision."   

"You know how bad my memory is."    Really means....      "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every    car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

    "Football is a man's game."    Really means....      "Women are generally too smart to play it."   

"Oh, don't fuss.  I just cut myself, it's no big deal."    Really means....      "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt." 

"I do help around the house."  Really means.... "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."

    "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."  Really means....   "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

    "What do you mean, you need new clothes?"  Really means....  "You just bought new clothes 3 years ago."

    "But I hate to go shopping." Really means....   "Because I always wind up outside the dressing room holding your purse."

    "No, I left plenty of gas in the car." Really means.... "You may actually get it to start." "I heard you."

    Really means....   "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You look terrific."  Really means...."Oh, PLEASE don't try on one more outfit.  I'm starving."

    "I brought you a present." Really means.... "It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."

   "I'm not lost.  I know exactly where we are."    Really means....     "No one will ever see us alive again."

    "We share the housework."    Really means....   "I make the messes, she cleans them up."

    "I'll take you to a fancy restaurant." Really means....  "Someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru window."

   "I don't need to read the instructions."    Really means....    "I am perfectly capable of messing it up without printed help


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