Quotes on marriage
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I wouldn't object to my wife having the last word - if only she'd get
My parents stayed together for forty years, but that was out of
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Why does a woman work for years to change a man's habits, and then
complain that he's not the man she married?
I told someone I was getting married, and they said, "Have you picked
a date yet? I said, "Wow, you can bring a date to your own wedding!?" "What a country! "
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, "You're only
interested in one thing," and you can't remember what it is.
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me!
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
25 Snappy Comebacks to the age old question:
"Why aren't you married yet?"
1. You haven't asked yet.
2. I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
3. What? And spoil my great sex life?
4. Nobody would believe me in white.
5. Because I just love hearing this question.
6. Just lucky, I guess.
7. It gives my mother something to live for.
8. My fiancee is awaiting his/her parole.
9. I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.
10. Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon?
11. I'm waiting until I get to be your age.
12. It didn't seem worth a blood test.
13. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.
14. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.
15. My co-op board doesn't allow spouses.
16. I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.
17. They just opened a great singles bar on my block.
18. I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.
19. I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals.
20. What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?
21. We really want to, but my lover's spouse just won't go for it.
22. I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.
23. Why aren't you thin?
24. I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.
25. (Bonus reply for Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.
"MARRIAGE"--WHAT A WONDERFUL LIFE
I've finally found the secret to a long successful marriage: Once a week without fail, a romantic dinner, slow dancing, then a long walk home in the moonlight . . . She goes on Tuesdays. I go on Thursdays!
Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am - I married the wrong man."
Man is not complete until he is married. Then he really is finished.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman get her master's.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
Young son: "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of the Asia a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.
Three rings: Engagement ring, Wedding ring, Suffering.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
How do you know if you're in love, in lust, or really married?
Palace of Culture.